Kematian.

Sejak kebelakangan ini, aku sering memikir tentang kematian. Aku rasa aku mula banyak pikiran sejak mendengar berita kematian orang-orang muda – seorang polis trafik yang meninggal dunia pada usia 29 tahun semasa bertugas, dan selepas itu Shea Rasol seorang blogger fesyen dari Malaysia yang meninggal dunia akibat kanser. Macam-macam soalan di dalam otakku:

Macam mana tu rasanya mati?
Macam mana tu rasanya nyawa ditarik?
Macam mana tu rasanya kesakitan kematian?
Sedangkan Rasulullah sendiri takut akan kesakitan kematian and mendoa agar dimudahkan untuk menghadapi sakratul maut.
Sedangkan Rasulullah itu maksum dan itu pun rasa kesakitan itu sangat teruk sampai Rasulullah sendiri tidak mahu ummat baginda merasainya.
Macam mana tu rasanya di dalam kubur?
Menantikan hari dibangkitkan.
Berapa lama tu agaknya harus menunggu?
Sambil menahan siksaan kubur.
Sambil menahan rasa kesal.
Sambil menahan sebak kerana tiada orang boleh membantu.
Seorang je di situ.
Pekik terlolong pun tak guna.
Tak ada orang yang akan dengar.
Tak ada orang yang akan membantu.

Dulu aku pernah kata, aku tak takut apa-apa. Tak ada fobia pada apa-apa.
Sekarang, aku ada satu fobia. Iaitu phobia kematian.
Ye, memang semua orang akan mati. Tetapi, tak sanggup aku nak menahan process kematian, dan apa yang terjadi seterusnya. Aku pernah rasa sakit. Sakit dari segi fizikal. Sampai sekarang aku masih ingat sakit macam mana. Ya Allah, tak sanggup aku hidup menderita.

Aku takut. Really, honestly, betul-betul aku cakap. Aku takut. Takut mati.

The thought of going through pain on my own, all alone, worries me. Scares me.

Sebab tu aku cuba nak berubah dan menjadi insan yang baik. Aku sangat heran akan orang yang kata mereka takut mati tapi hidup macam dia tak takut mati.

Takpelah. Aku utamakan diriku dulu. Betulkan diriku. Buat yang terbaik untuk diriku. Untuk hidupku dan untuk matiku.

Give to others of what you cherish.

Never will you attain the good [reward] until you spend [in the way of Allah] from that which you love – Quran 3:92

Do not just spend money in the way of God. Spend time, energy, and knowledge. Share love. Give freely. When the opportunity to carik pahala* arises, go for it. Don’t hesitate. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t doubt others. The more you cherish something, the better it is for you to share it. The more privileged you are, the more you give. What do you do with the privilege you have been given?

Sometimes you think you’re doing a crazy thing. But remember why you do it. Remember how it can help others. Remember that everything you have now all comes from God. And anytime He can take it back. Everything you have now is entrusted to you by God. So what do you do with what you have been given?

You don’t have to be a Superman and try to save the world. Do what you can with the nearest people around you. Everyone is fighting a silent battle; some are going through wars. Reach out to people with compassion. Be kind. Do something to make a difference in someone’s life. No matter how small you think that something is. Because sometimes it’s the small things that makes the biggest difference.

The past few days have been such an awakening for me. It had been a test of my faith. I thought I took a chance on someone. But I think maybe… I took a chance on… me.

Carik pahala – seek reward from God